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Becca
2020
Saturday 12 September
Becca: hi is this laura? got your number off the yard group
Becca: you're the new chestnut
Becca: sorry I headbutted you in the paddock. thought you were Tansy. she owes me a tenner
You: Oh! Hi. That was you?
You: I thought it was some sort of initiation
Becca: no just tansy. you'll know her when she nicks your carrots
You: I've got a bruise the size of a satsuma
Becca: welcome to ashby x
Sunday 13 September
You: Is it normal to ache in places I didn't know had muscles
Becca: lunge day?
You: Two hours
Becca: lol. epsom salts. and stretch your hamstrings or you'll walk like a duck tomorrow
You: I'm at my desk writing up a bungalow in Woking and I can't feel my legs
Becca: on a SUNDAY
You: Also is it normal to get that wet at inspection. Mrs D had to wipe her hand on her jodhpurs
Becca: if you're not that wet you're doing it wrong
Becca: she's had her hand up half the county. she does not care
Saturday 19 September
You: First day in the full harness. The crotch strap has rubbed me raw
Becca: chamois cream. the expensive one. and make them be generous
You: Kev did it. He applied it like he was icing a fairy cake
Becca: kev is useless. ask for sam. sam gets right in there
You: I'm not sure I can survive Sam
Becca: you'll survive sam. you'll just have to stand very still
Saturday 26 September
You: I drooled on Mrs D's boots
You: Properly. A string of it
Becca: what did she say
You: "Better out than in" and wiped them on the back of my leg
Becca: that's the nicest she's ever been to anyone
Wednesday 30 September
Becca: can you bring my spare bit sat. think I left it in your trunk
You: The one with the teeth marks?
Becca: they've all got teeth marks
Thursday 8 October
Becca: dev is being weird
You: Weird how
Becca: careful. like I'm made of glass
Becca: did my test last sat and he barely touched the whip. went round like he was walking a spaniel
You: Did you say anything?
Becca: I'm not allowed to say anything that's the whole point
Becca: and at home he keeps asking if I'm ok. in bed. halfway through
You: Maybe he's just being nice?
Becca: I didn't let him collar me for nice
Becca: last night he lit a CANDLE
Becca: I wanted to be bent over the wheelie bin and he lit a candle
You: Scented?
Becca: fig. I'll never forgive him
Saturday 17 October
You: Got put out with the greys today
Becca: oh no
You: The tall one bit my tail. My actual borrowed tail. Nearly had it out
Becca: what did you do
You: Bit her back
Becca: LAURA
You: On the shoulder. Not hard
Becca: you're never going out with the greys again you know that
You: Good
Becca: mrs d will put it on your card in red pen
Tuesday 20 October
You: Electrolysis session two at the vet. I want to die
Becca: worth it. no more shaving the night before a show and coming out in a rash at inspection
You: Mrs D drove me. Waiting room was me, two puppygirls and a kitten on a lead
You: The kitten hissed at me the whole time
Becca: kittens hate ponies. it's a known thing
You: One of the puppygirls stuck her nose in my crotch and her owner just said "sorry, she's friendly"
You: Then forty minutes on my labia with Radio 2 on
Becca: popmaster?
You: I got four questions right with my legs in stirrups
Becca: iconic
Monday 2 November
Becca: just come off nights and realised I did the whole shift with bit lines on my face
You: Did anyone say anything?
Becca: old boy in bay 4 asked if I'd been at the races
Becca: said sort of. turns out his wife used to show, back in the sixties
Becca: he talked about her till 3am. had a photo of her in his wallet, full tack, rosette and everything
You: That's lovely
Becca: best night shift I've had in months
Friday 13 November
You: Mrs D's got me on no finishing till Saturday. A real judge is coming to do a practice inspection
You: Day two. I'm losing my mind
Becca: welcome to the club. day three is worse
You: Dave from structural just said good girl because I found him a file
You: My knees actually went. Had to go and stand in the stairwell till they worked again
Becca: hold on till saturday. it's worth it I promise
Sunday 6 December
You: Measured my hair. If I don't cut it I'll have enough to make my own tail by spring 2022
Becca: my own tail?
You: Matched. Mine. No more borrowed ginger
Becca: you've done a spreadsheet haven't you
You: ...
Becca: LAURA
You: It's got a growth rate column
Monday 14 December
You: Ordered my own bit. 11.5. Engraved
Becca: engraved with what
You: My initials. Mrs D says that's vanity
Becca: mrs d has her name on her wellies
Sunday 27 December
You: My mother asked when I'm going to stop playing ponies
Becca: what did you say
You: When she stops playing golf
Becca: good
You: Then I went and cried in the downstairs loo
Becca: oh love
Becca: you went to ashby because you wanted it. you don't need her to get it
Becca: and you're the best mover on the yard. mrs d said so. to ME
You: She didn't
Becca: "the chestnut moves like she's got somewhere to be"
Becca: from mrs d that's basically a sonnet
2021
Saturday 6 February
Becca: an hour in paddock 2 in the sleet. I've lost all feeling in my nipples
You: Mine went blue. I don't know how you stand it with bells on
Becca: mrs d only brought us in because sam complained
You: Sam is a saint
Becca: and sam warmed his hands up before he rubbed us down
Saturday 20 February
Becca: dev's asked if I want a season off
You: Do you?
Becca: no!!
Becca: he thinks I'm tired. I'm not tired I'm BORED
You: Tell him
Becca: how. I can't exactly write it on a test sheet
You: You're a nurse. Write him a care plan
Becca: stop it
Friday 12 March
You: Date update
Becca: go on
You: Accountant. Nice shoes. Asked what I do at weekends so I told him
You: He asked if I'd "do the noises" for him
Becca: no
You: In the restaurant
Becca: NO
You: I'm home. I've had a bath. I've deleted the app
Saturday 17 April
You: Surveyed a cottage near Lewes on Wednesday. Old brick stable block
Becca: and?
You: And nothing. Lovely joists
Becca: was the owner fit
You: ...
Becca: LAURA
You: He held a torch for me at the bottom of the loft ladder for forty minutes and didn't say a word about my skirt
Becca: so he looked
You: Obviously he looked
You: I'd have been offended if he hadn't
Thursday 27 May
You: I've got a white stripe round my hips where the harness goes and the rest of me is pink
Becca: welcome to summer. you'll have that till october
You: I had a client meeting today in a linen dress and I could feel the outline the whole time
Becca: lie in the garden more. you'll even out by august
Sunday 13 June
You: Came out at lunchtime. Guess who Mrs D's got holding the greys on Sundays
Becca: who
You: Torch man
Becca: NO
You: Cottage man. Stood there all morning with two of them on the end of a rope, talking to them like he was apologising
Becca: did he see you
You: I was in my box. He doesn't know I exist
Becca: but you watched him through the bars all morning
You: There's not a lot else to do in there
Friday 9 July
Becca: will you plait my tail tomorrow before the lorry. dev makes it look like a draught excluder
You: Yes. Bring the good bands, not the ones that snap
Becca: and the glitter spray?
You: No
Saturday 7 August
Becca: so dev's mum came to watch today
You: Oh god
Becca: sat right by the rail. in a hat
Becca: and he was so careful with me in front of her I wanted to lie down in the sand
You: Write the care plan
Becca: I'm not writing the care plan
Sunday 10 October
You: He saw me
Becca: I know. imogen told the whole group
You: Coming down the ramp. Nothing on but the harness
You: Then he was on the rail for my whole test
You: I missed a step right in front of the judge
Becca: I SAW. thought you'd trodden on something
You: Then by the lorry he said he hadn't sorted the drainage
Becca: what does that even mean
You: It's a long story
Becca: email him
You: I can't just email a client
Becca: you can if it's about drainage
Sunday 14 November
You: He ripped my good blouse
Becca: WHAT
Becca: wait. torch man?
You: The blue one. Buttons all over his bedroom
Becca: and you're telling me this at 10am from
You: His kitchen. He's making more toast
Becca: MORE??
You: Long night
Becca: I'm so proud of you I could cry
Saturday 27 November
Becca: so I did it
You: Did what
Becca: the care plan
Becca: left it on his pillow. goals, interventions, the lot. numbered. with a body map
You: A BODY MAP?
Becca: I shaded the areas requiring attention
Becca: he read it in bed and didn't say a word and then he got up and went and got the crop
You: !!!
Becca: I can't sit down
Becca: happiest I've been in a year
You: Me too
You: I'm at his. Staying till Monday
2022
Saturday 5 March
You: Sorry about today
Becca: sorry?? I was in the next box. I heard EVERYTHING
Becca: the bells laura. THE BELLS
You: He took forty minutes to tack me up and I was dripping by the crotch strap and he fucked me against the box wall before we'd got anywhere near the arena
You: First Saturday with him handling and we did no training at all
Becca: kev went and sat in his van
You: Kev couldn't look at me when we came out
Becca: kev needs to get out more
Wednesday 23 March
You: He's oiled all my tack. Every strap. Took him four hours in front of the snooker
Becca: marry him
You: He did the armbinder laces twice because he wasn't happy with the first go
Becca: I'm serious. there's a collar shop in Lewes
Sunday 10 April
You: Out. Wyncombe. FOURTH
Becca: I know!! I was there. you looked like you were going to burst
You: And he asked me what I wanted as a reward
Becca: and
You: Him in my arse. With the tail out
Becca: LAURA
You: It's the only time the tail ever comes out. It feels like an occasion
Becca: an OCCASION
You: Anyway he's written it on my card. In his handwriting. Under Handling
Becca: written WHAT on your card
You: "Likes anal as a reward on show day"
You: Kev read it out loud in the tack room
Becca: I'm crying. poor kev
Thursday 18 August
Becca: dev brought the crop to the dinner table
You: Why?
Becca: I put my elbows on it
Becca: best lasagne of my life
2023
Monday 2 October
You: He still won't let me see the stable block
You: Says the builders are in
Becca: are they
You: There hasn't been a van on the drive for three weeks
You: I'm a surveyor Becca. I can see from the lane that the roof's on
Becca: maybe he wants it to be a surprise
You: It's a tack room. How surprising can a tack room be
Becca: LAURA
You: What
Becca: nothing. carrow down saturday. go to bed